What subtle skills should be taught to kids so they’re not arseholes?

Emotional Honesty & Self Acceptance

I realised too late that my kids can’t do “long story short”. They’re too old now for me to teach them. It’s a very important skill so if you’ve got small kids, teach them now. Society will thank you. The people they will call in the future about their car insurance in call centres will thank you.

I am now concentrating on training mine in the art of “knowing when to fuck off.” Ye know like, meet someone, make pleasant small talk then fuck off. Nobody likes someone actually telling you how their life is. If I’m selling a set of dinner plates to someone on adverts I don’t want to hear why you’re getting a new dinner set, take the plates, gimme the money & fuck off.

If I bump into you in the shops, I won’t give you a detailed description of what I’m gonna do with the packet of mince in my trolley, I’ll make pleasant small talk in just the right amount to suit both of us then I’ll responsibly fuck off. Teach your kids how to do this.

Otherwise they’ll be arseholes.

(By the way, long story short & fucking off skills don’t apply if you have a dog or if you want to talk about my dog)

So what other unspoken subtle skills do children need to be taught?

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Comments: 5
  1. DonUboaty

    Turn taking (in games and conversation) and how to lose without getting angry or whiney. To learn this they need practice which means, you will occasionally have to destroy them at chess, pool, football, Mario Kart or whatever. You also need to lose so they see what a good reaction looks like. ;-)

  2. RefrainsFromPartakin

    When someone says “No”.

    Do Not Persist.

  3. kate

    Teach em how to eat like good humans

  4. henry

    Closing doors and turning the lights off

  5. DonUboaty

    Teach them how to do household chores. Very basic things tidy up toys, put plates, cutlery in the sink when they’re finished. When they arrive from school sort their dirty clothes in the laundry bag etc. Also, before complaining, try to think your own solution first and apply it.

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