Anyone had underdeveloped social skills as a kid that they never realized until adulthood?

Anyone had underdeveloped social skills as a kid that they never realized until adulthood?

In my case, So much so that I thought I had autism. I’m 34 now and have been working on it for the last couple of years making it a lot better. I know enough now that I know it’s just lack of experience. My mom couldn’t exactly teach me what she didn’t know. Thinking back there were a lot of situations where she should have corrected my behavior but she didn’t because she has a bit of a soft touch and thinks kids should be able to express themselves freely. And what about you

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Comments: 2
  1. williAm

    I can rely to this strongly. I’m 33 now and have been struggling with relations to others since I was about 16, when I got conscious of having a problem there. As a kid I liked reading and watching TV alone. That wasn’t helped by the habits of my mother to have the TV running almost all the time and giving me my own TV for my room. When I spent time with others, it was mostly with one or two other kids, which I considered to be close friends. In early adulthood, I got deeply into depression. Not having a stable social environment was a factor back then. I was in a long relationship and after my girlfriend ended that relationship for another guy, I was lost. I couldn’t establish any meaningful relation to anyone and felt as if my life got completely meaningless, which finally resulted in an attempted suicide. I just couldn’t take my situation a bit more lightly as I’d do it today – instead, I drowned myself in fatalism.

    It took a long recovery both physically and mentally from there on, but I had the will to change. Turned out, I could change some things and learn some social skills. I finally found out, that I can be good with people and had actually fun with other people. I gave up my odd job and started to study, which was a bad decision financally, but a good decision for my personal development. I found a setting in wgich I could ‘function’ socially in political activity, what I do to this day. I started just being out there as a person at parties than rather just being there and watching the other people having fun.

    Some other traits however stayed pretty much the same. I was always pretty vocal when talking about some objective subject and I thrive in circumstances where that subject is set and I can talk about it with other people. I’m still not that good at small talk, but it really got better. And I accepted, that I’m simply not that kind of person, who is easy in every social situation and that I’m an introvert after all who has to warm up to people first.

    Sorry for the length. I just felt the need to elaborate a bit.

  2. pavlinika (author)

    I found out I’m on the spectrum in my 30s. Most wouldn’t suspect it because adults with ASD tend to blend much better than children after several decades learning how to do it the hard way. But it can still strain personal relationships, occasionally.

    I’m very good at being a normal acquaintance now. People tend to work their way out of my life if they get too close. Not everyone, but more often than not the missed social cues and muted reactions to important news and gifts (and total inability to tell when there’s animosity in a social situation without being informed directly or if yelling/threats are involved) aren’t what they thought they signed up for.

    But in my day-to-day interactions I seem pretty normal. I perhaps overcompensate with sarcasm a bit too much. It’s much easier to use than perceive. I’ve even learned to channel my weird repetitive habits into things that make people assume I’m just really into music that’s in my head.

    Anyway, your comment just made me realize it’s not like that struggle is the domain of ASD alone, so I thought I’d share.

    Edit: typing fixes

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